Time passes and its now 9am. Somehow, I must have missed Khoa. I’ve arranged to meet Beanie again today at 2pm so vege out in the nearby district killing time. Walking back to my hotel, I bump into Const dogg again, the hip hop artist I’d met the other night from Liberia/USA. He tells me he’s going to a BBQ and at this point its nearly time to meet Beanie so we say goodbye.

It starts to rain hot rain. Beanie is late and I go to a nearby shop to kill time. Find photocopies of best selling books for sale. Meant to buy one but forget. Will have to draw out the last chapter of Michael Palins adventures tomorow for the 12 hour bus journey. Hooray!

Beanie comes out of nowhere like a bat out of hell. I jump on the scooter and we’re off again into the busy traffic that menaces Saigon. Destination”? I have no idea but this is nothing new. Beanie intends for us to go shopping and we hit the mall. I’ve never been so claustriphobic in my life and start to feel a bit sick. There are so many people and the corridors are just too narrow. Makes my home town shopping mall look like a ghost town. I buy a bag that has “SAMPLE NOT FOR RESALE” stuck onto it. Looks good and I pay about 13pounds. In the UK it would be over 50. Shopping here, although crowded as hell has its plus points.

A phone rings and Beanie picks it up. Its Lauren, an aspiring fashion designer from New York. Beanie and Lauren have never met face to face and share a mutual friend. Lauren is going to join us for coffee. Today is my last day in Saigon and sadly, I spend it indoors. At least I don’t get lost for a change! Lauren shows up and turns out to be easy going, a little quiet and very interested in the nearby clothes. She stops me in mid-sentence to go and try on a dress. I get revenge by making her look at all 750 pictures I’ve taken so far. Tears are beginning to form in the corners of her eyes so I decide she’s had enough and retire my camera. Thanh, the girl from the other night shows up and joins us at the table. Her phone, has the most bling bling on a phone I’ve ever seen. Its gold plated and apparently cost 700pounds when she bought it two years ago. I swipe it and pretend to put in my pocket. Apparently, I can keep it if I’m prepared to belong to her. My friend Thulasi would be proud, as she has long been trying to pimp me out at McDonalds in Leicester square with only few sucesses, but now I’ve been traded for a 700pound phone. I can’t help but feel quite proud of my achievement.

Beanie and Thanh excuse themselves to go to the toilet. Lauren and I discuss the merits of sportswear v.s active wear. My mind falls asleep and I have to do my best to stop myself falling into my creme caramell. Few shots of coffee and I”m awake again.Until they plan to go shopping….Beanie and Thanh still haven’t returned. Its been half an hour. I know girls take ages but I’m beginning to wonder if they’ve discovered a portal to Narnia in the girls bathroom. Feel jealous and imagine myself playing in snow with woodland animals and then got brought back to reality. Lauren is explaining the benifits of frills in the dress she saw in the corner….

Another 15 minutes passes and the girls still haven’t returned. Lauren suggests we leave. I don’t have the goldplated phone in my possesion yet so persuade her to stay. I’m worried maybe one of them has died fighting with Aslan the lion when they come back to the table holding shopping bags. Apparently there was a sale in La Senza. Lauren is furious…

Dinner is Sushi at an expensive sushi place nearby. The bill comes to $10 a head which although cheap in UK is my daily food budget for SE Asia. Food is great (well it should be for this price) however I struggle to finish. Eventually I cram in the last few grains of rice. Oh my god I’m going to explode. Fortunately, the food stays in my mouth this time.

The Cage is a nearby club which we head to after me gorging on sushi. I think the others need a drink to recover from the monstrosity. Coke is 50 000, more than what I’d normally spend on dinner and I start getting irritated until I realise its a holiday and that I’m spending 150pounds a week on accomodation back in London. 50 000 for a coke aint going to bust me too much.

A waitress comes over and asks me where I’m from. She appears quite friendly and after talking to her Thanh informs me she thinks the waitress may have a crush on me. Thanh however tells me I am infact ugly and asks do I know what my ugliest feature is?

Fortunately, my self esteem is not low enough for me to know the answer so I tell her its my eyes as she can see herself in the reflection. She doesn’t take this well. I move back to talk to Lauren….

The club is still empty at this point and after some diplomatics I manage to keep the group together after a rift starts forming about where we should go. We head for another club which is suitably more packed. Drinks are ludicrously expensive and its Belvedere night. This means there is the amazing deal “Buy one Belvedere get one free!”" Unfortuantly this is well outside my food budget. I realise Im supposed to be leaving in 6hours for Cambodia. I hope I can make it back in time.

Thanh and Beanie depart at this point leaving me with Lauren. Chris, a belgium English teacher has joined us and we form a white section in the sea of asians. I scavenge around and find us a belvedere. Its mostly empty but its a start. Chris tells me its not what you drink here but how much you spend. The more money you waste the better. Contemplate spending the rest of my travel money on a bottle of belvedere but quickly get brought back to reality when I realise I probably don’t have enough… One of Chris’s students when asked about his hobbies apparently answered: I like to count my money in my spare time. Maybe he could get his phone gold plated too?

The club now is too crowded and we try to exit to head to the other club Apocalypse now. This is proving to be more difficult as a fight has broken in the corridor outside the exit to the club. I’m excited at the prospect of fight and get front row view….until a guy runs past me waving a bar stool over his head to smash over someone else. He nearly hits me so I retreat to a safe distance with Chris and Lauren. The fight goes on and unfortuantely its blocking the only exit. Security aren’t capable of dealing with it which is surprising due to the high prices inside the club.

Eventually we find a fire escape to ‘ëscape”‘ the club. When we get to the ground floor however, the fight has spread to the underground car park. We leg it out and enter into the hot night. I got a good picture of the fight but havent got a cable on me now…

Head back from Apoc now some hours later feeling pretty exhausted. I have to leave in 3 hours. Find my hotel and can’t see any prostitues so deem it safe to attempt to enter. Unfortuantely its locked up again. I start knocking. No answer. I start punching the glass. No answer. I start kicking the metal grating. No answer and I hurt my foot. At this point Im getting a little bit scared. I start smashing the glass door against the metal barrier making a hell of a noise. I’m worried that the prostitues will hear the noise and come over to investigate. I guy walks over to me. Wondering if he’ll help me but he’s trying to sell me more drugs. Fuck. I’ll need some by the time this is over…Eventually, somene wakes up and comes to open the door. Except, they’ve lost the keys. 10-15 minutes later they let me in and I run in off the street. Asleep in moments.

Beep-beep-beep. Its time to get up. 3hours is no where near enough sleep. Cambodia time!

This a photo of the night before:

Note, everybody is totally drunk….

Mouth felt like several of the cats from Langkawi had followed me to Vietnam and instead of just sleeping with me, had deposited something. Head down for whats left of my free breakfast. Enjoy a fried egg and some bread. Not great, but can’t complain…its ‘free’!

Today, I decide to visit the Vietnam war museum. Shake off my hangover on the walk through the park, running away from people trying to co-erce me onto motorbikes. Eventually I arrive at the museum and somehow the time has got to 4pm. Amazing how time flies huh?

The museum is definitely a must see in Saigon. However, it is pretty hard hitting. Don’t know if I’m more vunerable in my hangover state but could feel my eyes water when looking round the museum. Felt pretty sick and depressed. The museum is very anti-american but found myself defending  its one-sideness it later to a girl at my hostel. I asked her did the Vietnamese use Agent Orange? A deadly toxin, sprayed from the air (100million litres was dropped) over populated areas of Vietnam. Babies are still being born suffering from the affects of the dioxin present in the spray. I realise that a girl I’d seen begging at the table I was driniking at last night was most likely a sufferer from Agent Orange due to the deformed shape of her head. The museum has foetuses displayed in formaldehyde that have been deformed by Agent Orange chemical spray.

The photos in the museum are horrific showing incredible brutality demonstrated by the Americans. Theres only so much mutilated bodies I can take in one day and while I’m aware brutality also occured to the Americans also, I find myself struggling to comprehend what all this was in aid of, the ‘Vietnam war’. Why was there any need for the Americans to be here? If anyone fully understands this drop me an email…. From what I’ve heard from other travellers the ‘Vietnam’ war was an excuse for the Americans to have a war with China but not in China. Not sure why this was necessary either. The trigger for the war was that an American ship was attacked near Vietnam. This was later found to be falsified by the Americans. Couldn’t help finding similarities between the Iraq war and the Afghanistan war with that of Vietnam. Yet nobody really cares back home while GOD knows what is going on there now. We’ll only find out in 20 years…

Outside the museum is a collecton of military weapons from the Americans. I see a huge metal fuel tank and see a girl  taking a photo of it. So what its just a fuel tank I think, until upon closer inspection I discover this enormous vessel is in fact a giant bomb. Its about double my height and so big I can’t fit my arms around it. The information card informs the destruction area the bomb has. Makes me seriously freak out.

A large collection of land mines is present inside the museum. I see the contents of the mines and am once again shocked. Many of these weapons contain nails, steel pellets and other fragmentation devices. These are created by the Americans from 1960-1970 and these devices are intended to severely injure. Nearyby photos show a farmer who in 2003 stepped on a device. His face, legs, and much of his other body parts have been wripped off. Theres still millions of landmines still about….

Suddenly, as I’m walking around the museum the lights go out and the room decends into darkness. A little bit creepy I have to say. Turns out the museum is closed and a guard kicks us out. Frustrating, as I cannot see the rest of the museum so cannot inform you on the other horrors in the museum. Maybe your benifit…

I decide to walk back to the hotel and try and get over what I’ve seen. Can’t help but hate everybody in the world at this point. As I’m walking back I take a wrong turning and get lost (its normal when using Rough Guide maps to navigate) and find myself walking further and further away without any clue as to where the hell I am. When out of nowhere I hear a shout behind me: “Crusoe! Crusoe! Crusoe!”. I can’t believe it. Who the hell knows me here? I have no idea where I am and don’t even know where Im going. I think I must be going crazy but the shouting continues. I turn around and there is Khoa, one of the friends of a friend of my friend. (Not sure if I have got his name correctly as my memory is like an goldfish suffering from chronic amnesia when it comes to Vietnamese names, especially when drinking Tequila). He invites me into a nearby coffee bar where he and his friend are chilling out after playing pool. He tells me it must be destiny for us to be friends and I can’t really deny this as the chances of bumping into each other like this are pretty slim. If he’d been looking the other way or I’d walked past 10 seconds earlier…

I learn a lot about Vietnam from Khoa and his friends especially about the financial side. The coffee bar was quite a posh place, and yet apparently the waitresses inside will be earning 70$ a month. I earn more than that in a day when I had a student job….Also am informed how Vietnamese seriously love clubbing. He informs me that one of the girls hanging out with us the night before spends about 800 pounds a month on clubbing. Thats hardcore even for London standards. We chat for a while and I loosen up a bit after my horrors at the war museum. Go for some noodles with Khoa after saying goodbye to his friends. He insists on paying the bill. I’ve been incredibly fortunate lately no doubt. Checked my cash today and have 45$ to last me through Cambodia-shit- I can get money out of ATM’s but not sure how many there are in Cambodia. Vietnamese ATM’s only give out DONG, and no where wants to change DONG to US dollars.

Speak to a black guy at a bar later who is a hip-hop artist in Vietnam called Const Dogg. He did a duet Trang a while back and apparently taught the leading rapper in Vietnam. There aren’t many blacks in Vietnam and he tells me how much it sucks to be black here. Because of the lack of exposure of black people in Vietnam, Vietnamese people are extremely racist towards blacks he tells me. Apparently, if me and him were to walk down the street, I’d get offered a lift where as people would turn him down. Makes me feel pretty shit again and re-affirms my belief about people…

The rest of the night spend relaxing and gathering energy as on Sunday, I’ll be making the long trip to Cambodia bright and early in the morning. Need to get my strength back.

Spent the rest of the day chilling out (I needed it after the last few days) until approximately 8pm, where I’d arranged to meet up with a friend I’d made in Bangkok, Beanie. She lives and works in Ho Chi Minh city for an NGO and speaks the best English out of any Vietnamese person I’ve ever seen or heard… We went for a dinner at a restaurant called Wrap and Roll where they have the cheesy slogan “I love wrap and roll”. Well done guys…Ate an assortment of different dishes, including vietnamese spring rolls, pancakes and wraps. Everything was delicious and the best I’d eaten in weeks. Probably needed it.After the meal, we headed for a bar accross the street (can’t find the name of the bar but will find out later). An incredible venue,  in fact nicer than all the places I frequent in London. Although I suspect the prices in their for Vietnam make such places in London a little out of my budget. This is where the night really began and things began to get a bit strange. Had a mental debate whether cocktails are girly  ordered a Muay Thai. Cost was about 85 000 DoNG, a hell of a lot for Vietnam…Beanie points out 2 girls dancing next to us and says one is a famous singer in Vietnam and the other is a model.

20 minutes later a hip-hop outfit performed and started a mixture of c-walking and breakdancing. I’ve only ever seen stuff like this on youtube. Their skill was phenomenal. I’m talking about guys spinning on their heads and loada technical moves that I’ve never even heard of…

Beanie and I are chilling watching the perfomance when a drunk girl heads over to us. Apparently she is the manager of a nearby restaurant (I won’t name which one as I know how widely read this blog is now). Beanie informs me she is married. The girl then proceeds to hit on me. I’m trapped and have no where to move. I then proceed hitting Beanie to try and save me from this insane girl, yet she just laughs and keeps looking towards the door (turns out she was looking out for the girls husband).

Eventually, the time creeps forward and Beanie appologises that she has to go home to get some sleep before work the next day, but introduces me to her friend, an air hostess for Asiana called Thanh (flew with them to Japan in 06) and tells me to follow her for the rest of the night….I told you it go crazier but you have no idea…..

I wave goodbye to Beanie outside the club and after returning can’t find Thanh. Recognise the singer however, at which point she starts talking to me. I asked her if she got put off by the higher than average white ratio that seemed present in the club. She said she liked it as it meant she didn’t get recognised. Couldnt tell if she was just teasing. Until I found her this morning on youtube. Turned out that Thanh and the popstar, Trang knew each other and so hung out with them and their crew. I made a request from the DJ for Gasolina, at which point the DJ managed to turn off the music to the dancefloor. Everybody stops and looks up at the DJ and me. I leg it from the DJ before I can get in trouble…

Me and my new found friends head over to the sofa area where they all order Tequila shots (the first of many).To picture the scene theres me and 8 Vietnamese with more watching us from behind me. They’re all approximately 26 so tonight I am 24.  Everybody is chatting in vietnamese so I have no idea whats going on. They then ask me to stand up. Turns out they want Trang to perform and need me as a backing dancer. At this point she starts practically grinding down me. Have to say I’m very confused. To finish the dance she jumps, attempting to land in a pose somehow wrapped around me. Unfortunately, for both me and her both, due to my height and Tequila, she misses and practically knees me in the balls. I count myself lucky as it was only a proximity hit.

More Tequila is ordered. The rate at which these are ordering and knocking back shots is better than George Best’s best session rate… One of the guys who knows English informs me they are planning to drink until they can’t move anymore.  Not sure if he’s joking. I find out later that they’re not…These guys are making one of my best mates Mowgli look Tea-total. Everybody stands up and we head to the next club. Get on the bang of one of the guys motorbikes and we’re off. He informs me its a racing scooter. Great….

We arrive at the bar at 2am. The club is named very sensitively, Appocalpse Now. Entry is free so fortunately I can get in. I’ve spend the rest of my money helping to afford the Tequila shots they bought me. I now have no money to get home and have no idea where I am… We go into the club and the atmosphere is pretty live. My crew is still ordering more Tequila…Not sure how much I can take at this point. Club is good however, and we session there for about an hour until the place closes. Surely we’re going home now? Not so, we’re onto the next bar!

At this point, the popstar Trang, can no longer walk. She collapses multiple times and I practically have to carry her into the taxi. These guys seem like they’re trying to kill themselves. I get back on the scooter with the other guy who speaks to some English, and we head off. I’m slightly concerned about his alcohol limit but he manages to balance the thing. Thankfully, the roads are much quiter now and the distance to the next place is very short, he assures me. Turns out, its 4 doors down from my hotel. I’ve got lucky again.

At the next bar more shots are ordered. The Tequila runs out and so they start whiskey. (Black Bazil-my whiskey loving friend would have been proud). Another white guy attempts to join the table, at this point the popstar starts asking him “Whooo the fuck arrre yoouuuu?” Feel a bit concerned about how much my possee appreciate my precense but the popstar assures me I am welcome. In all fairness, I’m impressed she can still talk. She looks about 40Kgs, and the amount she’s drunk is enough to sink an elephant. She gets angry as she claims the table is full of couples. She pairs me with the air hostess and then rants about being single. Rightttttttt……

Finally, the party ends, its 4.30 and am impressed I’m still alive. Everybody says goodbye (well not really….they’re way to drunk for that) and I attempt to get back to my hotel. No sooner do I leave the bar than a motorbike starts following me. Shit? Two girls jump off the bike and start shouting massage at me. Great….Think I can deal with it until they start lunging for my dick. I run…. When I think I’ve lost them I head back and realise I’ve left the hotel behind me. Carefully start to venture back. Fortuantely, they’ve gone, however a new contender awaits. He follows me asks me if I want weed or cocaine but fortuanely accepts a no. Arrive at the hotel and discover to my horror it is shut up, metal grills and all. Fortuanately though someone opens it for me and after 5minutes of fiddling with the padlock, I enter. Hit the bed and am out like a light.

Note

Found a video Trang -the popstar on youtube this morning:

Her full name is Đoan Trang.

As I lay there feeling sorry for myself, I realised if it was an allergic reaction to Mallerone, then I’d have to miss out visiting Cambodia due to the high risk of Malaria present. This also didn’t help me to sleep…

A few painful hours later it was time to get up, and eventually I dragged myself out of bed, albeit at 7AM to go and visit My Son (a temple-no I haven’t had kids in Vietnam). My Son, developed between the 4th century and the 13th century is a complex of temples built by the Champa kingdom. After the fall of the Champa, jungle began to reclaim the site. The temples had already fallen into disrepair by the 1960′s, when the Viet Cong used My Son as a base. Unfortunately, that attracted American bombing, which destroyed or damaged many of the surviving temples. Evidence of the conflict can still be seen around the site. According to my Rough Guide to South East Asia, one should not stray from the paths as landmines still exist further into the jungle.

To arrive at My Son, I travelled by my trusty motorbike I’d hired the day before. The journey was a 40KM drive and what was described as a very simple drive proved to be more difficult. I underestimated the amount of fuel my motorbike consumed when travelling at high speed and as such after a very short time, the needle had hit the red. The lack of petrol stations began to alarm me. My flight was scheduled to depart at 12.25. I realised if I got stranded far away from Hoi An, my base, then there would be no chance of arriving at Saigon later that day. Still, didn’t think about this too much.

The journey there was exhilirating, passing rice paddy fields, small towns and villages, coastal regions, railways and mountains, I saw it all. Unfortuately, due to heavy vehicles travelling in the wrong lanes directly towards me, I had to keep one eye permanently on the road. At one point I found myself sandwiched between to gigantic dumper trucks, the kind you see at quarries. Petrifying! In the UK, they wouldn’t try and overtake every vehicle on the road but here, they have no problems with that. I found a minibus with white people in it, and concluded they must also be going to My Son and so attempted to follow behind that. However, a MASSIVE dumper truck behind me was honking the horn at me and attempting to overtake. I was already doing 80KM/h and decided maybe I should give way…judging that he was a million times larger than me and didn’t seem to care much about my preservation.

Arriving at the temple I realised I’d have to do a whistle stop tour of the place. The other tourists to the place witnessed me sprinting through the jungle to the temple complex through crazy humidity and searing heat. The temples were very impressive and a nice change from all the others I’d seen as due to their remote location, the buildings wern’t crawling with tourists. Practically left the temples by the time the others I’d passed earlier had arrived. I really don’t like seeing things this way but unfortuanately had little other choice.

When I finally arrived back at my scooter, a woman approached me from the cafe and offered me a top up of petrol for the motorbike. She was charging exorbatant prices but I didn’t really have much room to negotiate. Still…in UK money paid less than a pound so no real loss.

Even though my lightning speed of visiting the complex I’d still over-run my time allowed and so had to attempt to get back without any mishaps. Driving fast down the motorway, I realised on the journey here I hadn’t come by motorway. Where was I going? I didn’t know. Looking at my watch I realised I needed to get back in 15 minutes in order to make my flight. Shit…..The needle on the motorbike had long ago entered the red and the motorbike began to splutter and cough. Much like me the night before…A local gave me directions “Hoi An? That way!” He pointed over my shoulder back the way I’d come.

By a miracle I managed to make it back to Hoi An, return the motorbike. The lady off the street I’d hired it from agreed to take me to my hotel for an extra 10 000 DONG. Due to my adventures on the motorway, I’d long missed the share taxi I’d arranged for 10am. It was now 11.15. Asked the girl at my hotel to sort out something for me to get to the airport while I finished packing. The time had now creeped up to 11.30 am. My flight was due to depart in less than an hour…

I fight my way onto the back of a motorbike after agreeing on a price. My 60 litre pack balanced over my shoulders and my day bag balanced on my front. I could feel the back of my ass falling over the end of the bike. Even falling off at low speeds is going to hurt, especially if followed by a dumper truck….

My driver is communicating with the other traffic by morse-code via the use of the horn. I join in by yelping frequently from the back when I think I’m going to fall. I feel my muscles weaking in my legs and my arms. I hope I’ll be able to hold on until the airport… It starts to rain. The driver, reaching for cigarretes in his pocket, gets hit by a sudden gust of wind, drops them all over the road. In the middle of the busy road, he jumps off to pick them up, leaving me on the bike in the middle of the road with traffic approaching, FAST. I pray for my safety.

Eventually, we arrive in Da Nang, the city where the airport is located, and its at this point I realise my driver doesn’t know the way. The time is now 12PM and the flight departs in 25 minutes. According to my ticket, the check in desks close 30minutes before departure, NO REFUNDS! Great…

Arriving at the airport,  I hop off and before I can get away the driver is on me, begging for more money. Think to myself, why agree on a price if you won’t keep to it? And for those of you who are thinking I’m being overly tight here, I’ve given him $9USD, nearly a tenth of their average monthly wage. Sprinting to the terminals, I arrive and find the Jetstar check in desks displaying details for the 13.40 flight. I push past people in the que where I’m informed “Your too late”

Am directed over to more Jet star desks. Think to myself, maybe they want me to buy another ticket? But fortuantely the girl at the desk starts making me a ticket by hand. Leg it through security except this time with the precense of my 60L rucksack, as there was no time to check it in. I jam it through the X-Ray machines. I’m surrounded by signs displaying “MINIMUM HANDLUGGAGE REQUIREMENTS”. No time to read them now, but am sure my bag doesn’t qualify. As I reach the gate everybody is starting to board the aircraft. One more wrong turn and I would have missed the flight. My guardian angel is doing well. I think he needs a pay rise.

I look down on Saigon as we descend through the clouds. Its clearly larger than Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam. Can’t say its particularly attractive from the air, but I’ve learned not to judge a place by first impressions anymore. The guide book reccomended a place called Yellow House Hotel. Managed to haggle a taxi driver down from 250 000 to 130 000 DONG. They love to take advantage of rich westeners. After arriving at my hotel, he tries to run away without giving me my change. I ask him “What do you think I am?” at which point he laughs and gives me my change. Many other travellers don’t like to haggle. For me it is a neccesity. I’m down to my last $50. This needs to last me another week in Cambodia…..

JOIN CRUSOE FOR MORE  TALES OF HIS ‘RELAXING’ ADVENTURES TOMOROW….

My Son Temples

Walk to My Son

Learnt to ‘drive’ in 15 minutes and then spent the rest of the day cruising around the town. Didn’t have an accident. My 4th day on a motorbike accident free (except this time I was driving!). I had huge amounts of fun and worked up quite a tan on the back of the bike. What was scarier than being on the bike was realising there might be other people with as little ability to drive the scooter as me. Bear in mind, there are no pavements in Vietnam. Everybody walks in the street.

Crusoe’s Ride

Went to a cafe and talked to a Swiss guy and a Parisian woman. Ordered some Cau Lao, a speciality of the region. ‘Its like noodle soup without the soup’ the swiss guy described it. Oddly enough, despite the strange explanation this was exactly how it tasted. The Parisian girl’s claim to fame was her name was in the end of harry potter IV in post prediction. I asked her which effects she created and she explained how they created Sirius’s head in the fire. I’ve met all sorts travelling. My favourite was the guy who helped make the video game Burnout (loved that game!)

Went for a drink in a bar in the afternoon (still on the scooter) and ordered a cocktail to make a change from beer. I know you’re going to hate me for this, but I ordered a B52 cocktail….the girl sitting next to me didn’t really understand the connotations of ordering a B52 in Vietnam. If you don’t….God help you. Turns out their cocktails weren’t really cocktails but in fact triple shots. Never ordered a B52 so didn’t really know what to expect, although it sounded nice on the menu. Made  driving on the scooter a bit more relaxing though I have to say…

B52 ‘cock-tail’

In the bar they also had a huge jar filled with alcohol, 7 snakes, a lizzard, a bird and god knows what else. Turns out this is supposed to be very good for your back. Was tempted to have some, however, my back was not that painful to justify the tonic just yet…

7 Snake Drink +Assortment of other animals

Visited the restaurant where I’d eaten the night before as they’d been very friendly. Got some free food and soya milk (being Aussie really does help) and then got invited to go to one of the waitresses friends shops. We sat in her shop (a tailor shop) and the girls ordered a round of beer. At this point I was a bit confused as to what the agenda was. (healthy paranoia growing). I’ve heard stories of travellers getting taken advantage of by being asked to pay the bill at the end (which is extremely over priced- sometimes over 100$). I told them I didn’t have enough money to pay but they didn’t seem to care and ordered more drinks. Turns out they didn’t have many customers and so were just happy drinking. Although, now I think of it the atmosphere was very bizarre. They ordered squid (which appeared through the doorway of the shop from someone outside). The squid was dried and then dipped in chilli. Was actually quite tasty except incredibly chewy. As most travellers will know, after a long day in the sun with little food and sleep alcohol is a lot more potent. Hence, when the 2 round came I got a bit alarmed at how drunk I was getting (especially as I’d already been drinking earlier). I then remembered how the woman at the restaurant had kept telling me how I was handsome and kept on joking about girlfriends. It was at this point I got alarmed at to what exactly was going on.

Turned out, its just their sense of humour after all (I think). A phone call later and she disappeared to go back to her shop. Being a westerner in Vietnam can be a bit weird at the best of  times. Vietnamese girls often want to marry western guys due to the cash bonus that comes with it…

Headed to a few nearby beaches on my motorbike. The 2nd when I arrived at was more beautiful and the sunset was incredible. A pimp walked up to me on the beach and started trying to sell me something. I ignored him but he persisted so I made non-committal noises. He carried on and out of curiosity I started listening to try and make out what his broken English was trying to say. At this point I made out “Do you like bum-bum?”

Wasn’t sure if I knew exactly what he was getting at until his next line. This was when I realised he was a pimp.  “Do you like to fuck?”

Seemed bizarre that I was at the beach at 7pm and the only white person around and then just asked so blatantly. I walked away and took some photos of the sunset and, after it was getting dark as I headed to my motorbike to attempt to get back before nightfall I noticed him 200m away on top of a sand dune waving for me to come over. Guess thats where he ran his business from….

Locals on ‘pimp’ beach

Went to bed exhausted (not from illicit activities at the beach however) after driving home on the motorbike. Drove past rice field after rice field and the last rays of the sun made it look closer to anything I’ve ever imagined heaven to look like. Went to bed tired but happy, preparing for a 5am start the next day, where I intended to drive to a nearby jungle temple.

The next day that waited me had a lot instore for me…as did the early morning….

I am writing this from Hoi An, a historique town/city in central Vietnam. Last night when I wrote yesterday’s post I was exhausted from travelling so had to keep the post brief.

The spider in my room nearly got exterminated by the hotel staff with bug spray but I thought Michael Palin wouldn’t have wanted it that way. To keep Palin happy the hotel receptionist fetched a guy working at the hotel to move the spider. He cupped his hands and picked it up. I’ve seen people pick up spiders before but never one this big. Its legs were so big you could see them poking out from the inside of his hands. Made me feel a bit of a wimp that I didn’t do this myself but I don’t want die from spiders, I’ve got a wager going its going to be the mossies.

In fact, it was a good thing yesterdays post was short because 3minutes after I wrote it the city of Hoi An was plunged into total darkness. A huge thunderstorm that had been threatening for hours finally took out the power. I found myself trying to find my hotel located on the outskirts of the hotel with the crude map they provided for me. The one beer I’d had earlier was also affecting me due to the tiredness and dehydration etc….At this point I can gladly say I made a very good decision. Normally I hate the motobike taxi drivers who litter the streets of every Vietnamese city but this time it was a God send. I practically had no money on me though so he reduced his initial price of $40 000 Dong to $15 000 Dong. This is the equivilant of just over 50p.  If I’d continued the way I’d being going (into the pitch black) who knows where I’d have ended up, only it was the opposite direction to the way he went to my hotel. Not too much to pay for getting home in 10minutes instead of indefinitely.

When we arrived at the hotel it was pitch black with a massive gate shut accross the front. Looking particularly eery. Thankfully somebody was there to open the gate. Inside, the receptionist was handing out candles so we could find our rooms. I found a particular effective way was to use the flash on my camera and then look at the photograph. Felt like I was in a horror movie (think its Silence of the Lambs where they do this?) yet fortunately for me, there was nobody waiting for me in my room. Except a couple of mossies. After a quick bathe in DEET (anti mosie chemicals) they seemed to leave me alone. The air-con didn’t work because of the lack of power so had to endure a very sweaty night.

Its morning here so I’m going to try and find some breakfast and see what there is to do in Hoi An. Will try and upload more photographs soon. Quite want to try a Vietnamese cooking lesson as would make a useful addition to my metal cooking list of baked beans on toast and jacket potatoes…

Still in Hanoi at the moment. But a big flood has come (been raining for all night and no drains here)  and Im stranded in an internet cafe near my hotel. Cant reach the bank to pay for the hotel and cant walk accross the street to the tourist info to find out about the minibus  to get to the airport! Flood is too deep!
If I do make the crossing of the flood  I’ll be in Da Nang by the end of the day. Gotta catch a flight there. May not internet for a while so will try and write stuff on paper for the blog.Just took an awesome picture of the street flooded but cant put up as I dont have a cable for my camera here.

Wish me luck!

I’ll be back!

p.s A passing car just sent a wave of the flood off the street into the internet cafe….(theres no door/wall)

Part II

I think today was cursed. First the flood, then the afternoons events paled the morning in comparison. I’ve travelled thousands of miles for now just about 3 weeks and without any mishaps. Today, the first major problem occured. And hopefully, my last.

The staff at the ACD hotel, my base for Hanoi, all seemed to suffer chronic depression. I tried not to complain about the place but wasnt the best of places to stay in. For example, the bathroom felt smelt of shit put the toilet seat down I found rotting toilet rolls that had turned brown with age…Not sure if that was causing the smell but I doubt it helped.

This morning, I found myself locked in my hotel room. Now this was entirely my fault and was due to me locking myself in my room each night for security. Except this time I’d completely forgotten where I’d placed the key. To make matters worse, I’d woken up with a terrible stomach ache and felt not exactly top of the morning. It had been my intention to visit the Ho Chi Min mausoleum at around 9.30. This is where Ho Chi Min’s  (the Vietnamese Communist leaders) body  has been stuffed for members of the public to come gawk at. Unfortunately, my stomach wasn’t up for it especailly due to the food poisoning.

There was one plus point to losing my keys however. Hunting under my bed amongst the cigarrete buts and inches of dirt/dust, I found Michael Palin hiding, the book I thought I’d left on the plane from Singapore. Now I can find out if he made it round the world in 80days!

A taxi picked me up from my hotel earlier than required but this was due to the rain, I’d been unsure how much time I’d need to allot to getting to the airport because of the floods. About 3/4 of the way there, I realised I was mising something. Something pretty important. My passport! Now it just so happened, my taxi spoke no english. Doing Charades for I have no passport is pretty difficult but somehow I managed it. Before I turned around though he demanded I gave him more money. Felt furious about how stupid I’d been not to remember the passport and hence having to go over budget by 15USD.

The flood:

Was beating myself up when I realised, it wasn’t really the end of the world. Nobody was dead, I hadn’t lost my money, I got my passport back, and most importantly I was still alive. Still plenty of time for something else to happen!

My new hotel room I had a visitor waiting for me. Made me jump out of my sunburnt skin:

Hanoi Traffic madness at night

From the left: Hoang, An, Ngoc, Nhung

Wedding going on down by the lotus lake.

More pics can be found under my photography but takes too long to put them all up on the home page!

Headed out into the streets to scavenge for food. I entered a Vietnamese street restaurant where the old woman serving behind the counter took a profound disliking to me immediately. When I asked her how much for the food she shouted a string of Vietnamese sentences (most likely profanities) where upon every in the restaurant looked at me and laughed. Can’t think of a better way to start the day.

Bumped into Crazy Steve again but didn’t chat long. I spend the rest of the morning going for a walk round the nearby lake. Its known as the heart and soul of Hanoi and it is here that many locals practice Tai Chi and chill out. Went for a brisk walk round the lake while many locals tried to talk to me about football while others attempted to sell me the usual brick-a-brack.

I was very saddened when I realised Michael Palin and I are no longer travel buddies. I’d left the book on the plane last night. Guess I’ll have to find out if he makes it round the world in 80 days once I get back home. Dug my camera out instead of Palin to kill some time. Nearby, 2 girls were posing by the lake with a D40x and a sweet prime lens. Figured they’d be good at cameras (and trust worthy) so asked them to take a photo of me for the blog. Turned out the girl wasn’t a pro and so I gave her some pointers about how to use our camera (she was trying to shoot fully manual all the time). Ended up going with them for a drink at a nearby cafe.

The girl who owned the camera was called An, had been studying in Winchester University this year. Later on, I found out her name meant Peaceful, her friends assured me she definitely wasn’t a peaceful person. Everyone laughed. Posing for photos, her friend, Nhyong studied Finance in Hanoi. They introduced me to their friend Hoang, a 21 year old Vietnamese man. They were all very friendly to me and infact paid for my drink which I felt bad about but couldn’t decline.

I have to admit at first I was initally paranoid about their intentions. I feel a bit guilty about this but since then realise it is necessary to be a bit paranoid when travelling alone in order to protect oneself. A little paranoia is healthy until more experience is gained.

We all swapped email addresses and Hoang and I arranged to meet up at 10pm. I said goodbye to the girls and Hoang drove me back to my hotel. My second scooter adventure!

Slept until 7pm and then venture out to a local internet cafe. (Unfortuantely, no memory card readers and I don’t have the cable for my camera so updating everyone with pictures is proving to be difficult. Still will see if I can find somewhere later…) This was where I found out my exam results. To be honest I couldnt really believe my eyes when I saw I’d passed and am burning to find out my grades.

Headed back to the hostel where Hoang was waiting for me. We went to 1 of the 2 night clubs listed in Rough Guide. Solace, is a river boat moared on the Red River, a huge river estuary. Vietnam, being near the equator gets dark at about 6pm. The ‘club’ was totally different to anything I’d ever experienced before. Was a reasonably small boat however the music was well mixed and the view of the huge river sensational. Hoang and I discussed differences between UK and Vietnam. Somehow the subject of the Vietnam war got raised and was interesting to hear what he had to say about it. I feel bad how Vietnam was affected by the Americans during the war and realise that the older Vietnamese, some of which still don’t particularly like westerners (understandably). H0ang tells me that the newer geneartions haven’t been affected because they didn’t live through it. Certainly, him and his friends have been very good to me. Hoang is very softly spoken and it is difficult to tell how well he understands me. However, I greatly appreciate his company.

Walking home was once again terrifying. The best advice I can give about crossing roads here sounds terrible once I tell it to myself: “Don’t think, just keep moving forwards”. Crossing 4 lanes of traffic in the dark with no crossing and heavy traffic is challenging at the best of times. Still, Hoang pulls me back everytime I nearly get hit by a car. Will have to buy him a drink sometime.

The girls had suggested we all met tomorrow early in the morning to go look at the lotus flowers at a lake on the outskirts of town. When I asked how early, he suggested not to early…6 am?…..Another lie in for me then…